Give me back my stone axe!
Don"t touch my loincloths, I tell you!
And shut up! I cannot stand your face!
Keep the fire going; rock the baby.

I showed you proper way you should behave.
Don"t criticize our old and trusted ways.
The hearth is messy and SO IS the cave.
You"re spoiled since the matriarchal days.

Sentiments - you keep"em to yourself.
I"m leader, I"m stronger, I am man!
Learn the rules and start repeating to yourself:
"Long live "PRIMITIVE AND PREHISTORIC CLANS!"

They"ll kill a mammoth, not inviting ME
Leaving nothing  FOR  me, not even a femur.
I  CANNOT  sit here with you on this tree.
There is something I must kill, at least a lemur.

The elders of the clan are shortly coming.
Now don"t YOU come naked to the door!
"Stone Age" - and no stones to be found?!
For this disgrace, I"m shamed to the core.

I know a method to control a wife:
Five wives - they call it a polygaMY.
But my estate cannot afford all five.
And that"s my reason for monogaMY.

The trouble"s caused by relatives of yours.
My uncle, who was killed by horny animals,
Taught me hOW TO live and do the chores
And not to take a wife from "mong the cannibals.

Do not sOW discord within our clan!
Nobody"s touching you below the waist.
Don"t slander our leaders and young men!
Our leaders are all wise and women - chaste.

Why DO you cower? I"ve not beat you yet.
Give back my axe. I ask you, Dear Wife.
And - bearskins, you see how  COLD  I get.
I"ll count to three, and then I"m gonna bite.

2005