The sixteenth letter of Mizhappar of the short novel of Holder Volcano
Last night my friends called me, pulling their necks through the clay fences of my yard, and I put on my boots without soles, went out into the yard to meet my friends. By the shoulder of Qurumboy's black jacket of the now deceased Director of the company "the Edelweiss" Mr. Chemodanov.
-Where are we going tonight? - I asked my friends.
Qurumboy whispered in my ear very interesting news, and I was wary.
-Really? - I asked in surprise.
According to him, in one of the internal pocket of the jacket of suitcases he found many passports and ten thousand American dollars.
- What are you going to do with this money? - I said, I was interested.
- I suppose that these funds are equally distributed on behalf of our party, poor, poor people strictly on the list - said Qurumboy.
- I want to spend the money for the renovation of our office located in the barn. We would wash all the walls of the office and draw a tiger on the wall, which is preparing to jump from a high cliff which a deer that came to that river to drink. Discreetly painted would sneak up to the deer and a huge crocodile, with an eagle top, who is also planning something terrible - said Yuldashvoy.
-I fully support the idea of leader Qurumboy. We must take care of the poor, orphans, pensioners and the disabled. Then, people will vote for us during the elections, said Mamadiar.
- Then I'll put it to a vote. Vote, companions deputies, members of our party and guests of plenary session - Qurumboy told.
After that, we went to the village Council and made an appointment with the Chairman of the village Council. We sat long, yawning from boredom as hippos. Finally, we managed to get into the Chairman's office. He didn't want to talk to us at first. But when he learned about our intentions, he dramatically changed his attitude towards us and immediately began to consult on this matter with the Governor Chapaev Zulmat Alimanovic on the phone. Then he hugged us and said,:
- Congratulations, gentlemen billionaires.
Zulmat Alamanovich was very happy and told us go-ahead. He intends to invite us to this charity event the Governor of the Chapaev region and his friend Yebtoymas Tappatalaruvuch. If you do not mind, we will hold this event in the Collective farm club. There we will give an important donation to the poor.
- Well - we said in unison.
On the appointed day we were taken by special cars in the direction of the collective farm club. Near the club we were met by a crowd of people, heads and a very beautiful girl, holding bread and salt, in a national dress named "khanatlas" with a coat, woven of fiery red velvet. Sounded karnays and surnays Eastern drum "carbon". We were led on by the Commissioner, Deputy and millionaire, Qurumboy was hungry, and for this reason, with great appetite, ate bread and salt. Yuldashvoy even gathered the crumbs of bread that remained on the tablecloth, and ate it. We are culturally wiped our mouths with a towel and burped. After that, the students ran as crowd in our direction with bouquets and flowers. They gave us these bouquets. When we went inside, the hall was full, and from lack of places many stood, some sat on window sills. We were asked to stand on the stage where the members of the Presidium were sitting. The first word spoken to the Governor of the Chapaev region Yebtoymas Tappatalaruvuch. That for almost two hours praised the President for almost two hours and then spoke about power, then spoke about kindness and mercy. Out of boredom Mamadiar began to yawn. Qurumboy also stood on the stage and killed the Governor:
- Comrade Yebtoymas Tappatalaruvuch, save it.! We don't have time to listen to your boring report! We must whitewash the walls of the pigsty and paint a beautiful landscape on the wall, where a huge, a striped tiger jumps from a high rock on a deer that came to the river! Come on, round up your report immediately and call all the poor orphans, pensioners and the disabled! We have to give them dollars, that is, donations! he said.
-Well, Mr. billionaire Qurumboy! - said Optimus Capitalrich dutifully interrupting his report. Then he called the poor to the stage.
-Come on, the poor who need the charity of our valued billionaires come and don't be shy! One at a time! Now Mr.billionaire Qurumboy and his rich friends will give us dollars! - said Yebtoymas Tappatalaruvuch.
Then, substituting Qurumboy with his hat backwards, he began to cry:
-Mr. Qurumboy! I want to admit that the poorest man in the country is me! Give alms to the poor Governor of the Chapaev region! My salary is small and my family is big. Even those bribes that I regularly take on a large scale from the heads of districts and from the chairmen of collective farms, are sorely lacking! I checked yesterday, the total profit from the turnover for the year in my companies is only one hundred million dollars! Other than that, I'm laughing my ass off in a service limo! Give me at least one hundred dollars, Mr.Qurumboy! Cried Yebtoymas Tappatalaruvuch, wiping tears with the sleeve of his English coat.
Qurumboys threw a hundred dollars in the hat of the Governor Optimas Capitalrich.
- Thank You, Mr. Qurumboy! -said Optimus Tataranowicz, wearing a hat with a hundred dollar bill.
He walked to Qurumboy head of the tax inspection with an outstretched hand:
- Post, Mr. Qurumboy, I'm begging you, who stripped three skins by large taxation income from people who want to do business, opening a firm or a farm! Mr. Qurumboy! I'm an orphan! My parents died in a nursing home, they disowned me! In return, I will except your party from state tax! Feed the hungry and the poor head of the tax police Japanskog area! I only ate 250 grams of black caviar and 250 grams of red caviar for Breakfast today!
-Here, take it! said Qurumboy the head of the tax Inspectorate Chapaev district, throwing it into the steward of the United State's outstretched hand.
There appeared on the scene paunchy Prosecutor and he also started to say:
-Oh, Mr. Qurumboy, show mercy and serve! I really need the money! I get constantly astronomical sums in the form of bribes from relatives of convicts, but I can not fill the black hole, which is called the need! So I just have to put more people in jail with false accusations and get even more bribes! Here, I want to buy for the birthday of my son, one helicopter, and I do not have the money! How can I buy a plane if I don't have enough money for even a helicopter?! What if the other son wants me to give him a plate for his birthday?! (flying, of course).What am I going to do?! And I cannot even to think about buying a time machine! There can not do without your help! Would you please hand it to the poor Prosecutor?..
Qurumboy gave the district attorney a hundred dollar bill and said:
- Buy a plane, a biplane, or a glider!
The Prosecutor thanked Qurumboy for his generosity.
Look, leaders of all stripes lined up for alms. Then Qurumboy got up from his place, took out a bunch of hundred-dollar bills and scattered them in the air. Notes fell like autumn leaves, over the heads of the people in the audience, it started a stampede. All heads and chiefs rushed to the money, pushing, crushing each other and shouting:
- Oh, dolla-a-a-a-r! Dolla-a-a-a-r! - they snarled greedily, trying to grab a green bill in the air. Then the fight started. The crowd began to rotate in the hall, like a giant whirlpool. We rushed outside through the emergency exit. Congratulating ourselves on our successful rescue.