Низовцев Юрий Михайлович : другие произведения.

Armenian radio on own way

Самиздат: [Регистрация] [Найти] [Рейтинги] [Обсуждения] [Новинки] [Обзоры] [Помощь|Техвопросы]
Ссылки:
 Ваша оценка:
  • Аннотация:
    Try it yourself - to give an emusing, short and at the same time comically-adequate response to a tricky question! See below.
The complete set of gags, pranks, ridicule, aphorisms, etc. "On the contrary..." is posted on the Amazon website (Nizovtsev Yury).
  Armenian radio on own way
  
  Part I. Taunts
  Part II. Perpendicular reasons
  
  Part I. Taunts
  
  What distinguishes the person from the apes?
  Nothing but self-conceit.
  
  Is the learning as the light?
  If there is the window.
  
  Whether it is possible grow to the academician?
  More perspective grows in another direction.
  
  How to become a scientist?
  Nohow! All of us are always only disciples.
  
  Is it good to be a doctor?
  Very bad! There are doubts in the correctness of the treatment of yourself.
  
  Whether is science history?
  Of course, no! Because in history happens to be by everyone.
  
  Whom to be better - by an animal or by the person?
  It is quieter to be by a plant.
  
  What is the genius differed from the others in?
  He goes crazy with great success.
  
  Why the madman does not remember himself?
  He already bothered to himself.
  
  How many progress lasts?
  While everything will not crack. But it will renew as soon as collects the strength.
  
  Whether there is life after death?
  To die, it is necessary to be born. Means, after death it is necessary to await for the birth. And so on.
  
  Is it possible time to stop?
  Not only. It can also jump.
  
  Is there any intellect at the crocodile?
  And this intellect is not bad, since the crocodile regaled itself by the person many times.
  
  For what pants are necessary?
  To cover, inasmuch their opening does not make a contribution to science.
  
  Why alive has arisen?
  It has not arisen, and it was always because without it the dead would not be made out.
  
  Is it possible the word without the matter?
  During chatter you cannot satisfy your hunger.
  
  Where did nudists undertake from?
  From sin, that they do not hide.
  
  Why are people envious?
  They always feel shortage for themselves of neighbour's goods.
  
  What is different the patriot from the rest?
  Others better.
  
  Can the computer replace the person?
  In any way not! First, it cannot do nonsenses, secondly, you can throw out it, and it of you - no.
  
  When women begin to get smarter?
  Some - already after fifty.
  
  Whether really labor created the person?
  Vice versa.
  
  Where the person undertook from?
  From the come awareness of self, who was earlier by the irresponsible ape.
  
  Is it possible the arrival of universal harmony?
  Not with your hands to play on the harmonium by all.
  
  Can a frog become the person?
  It became in the end.
  
  Whether really the suffering ennobles the person?
  If he managed to grow up to ability to suffer.
  
  And what is this state - a dream?
  Reminder that state and mind is not forever.
  
  Why the present seems such fleeting?
  Because of carelessness.
  
  Is it possible to know the future?
  Glance in the past or address any gypsy woman.
  
  What is happiness?
  The anticipation of execution of treasured desire, which is coming to the end with execution.
  
  What is success?
  Short-term providing without visible continuation.
  
  Can democracy be effective for the people?
  It is effective only for rascals from the people.
  
  What is required will for?
  In order to all life to be engaged in a meaningless affair.
  
  Why intelligentsia is multiplied only in Russia?
  Russian always pitied the foolishes.
  
  What does intelligentsia differ in?
  It is helplessness.
  
  Why is the Russian intelligentsia considered rotten?
  It decomposes under any power.
  
  Why the intellectuals are running away from Russia?
  They are squeezed by intelligentsia.
  
  What does not love intelligentsia?
  To work.
  
  What is loved by intelligentsia&
  It loves self and fruitless vigils.
  
  Are bribes useful?
  No! Not in the horse feed.
  
  Who does not ask questions?
  Who understood senselessness of this exercise.
  
  Why the people elect fools by deputies?
  What is pop, such is the parish.
  
  Whether fear is useful?
  If only to cause fear in people expediently.
  
  Is it true that the casting vote always has the majority?
  Wrong. The casting vote always belongs to the insidious minority.
  
  Coup is similar to rotation of pancake on a frying pan, but revolution - akin to falling of a frying pan onto a leg.
  
  Should we trust people?
  Only after check.
  
  Than an official is good and than he is bad?
  He if and works, then shits inevitably.
  
  How to get rid of bad habits?
  To acquire new ones.
  
  Where all diseases undertake from?
  Because of failures of an organism without asking for anyone's permission.
  
  From what a goose to a pig is not a comrade?
  From the different feeding troughs.
  
  What mister from comrade differs?
  Mister much about himself understands, and comrade - nothing.
  
  From what is it so bad with hangover?
  From sense of an organism's protest.
  
  What is characteristic of old age?
  By unreliability of preserved organics.
  
  What will happen after the crisis?
  Nothing, if it was the last.
  
  Whether it is possible to grasp immensity?
  Only in inadequate state.
  
  What are equal rights?
  This when for everything are accused right, and left are announced by the right for the same.
  
  Is it possible to avoid inequalities?
  It is impossible! But - equality: it is possible!
  
  Whether will triumph of validity?
  When the cancer start to whistle at mount.
  
  Can the rich share with the poor?
  Only - with bad diseases.
  
  Is it possible immortality?
  If only death orders to live long.
  
  Why the monkeys any more do not turn into people?
  They had seen enough on them.
  
  Why in the Russian language, almost all words are borrowed?
  Apparently, Russians learned to speak later all.
  
  How the term "consciousness" may be deciphered?
  Consciousness is only knowledge together with though some considerations.
  
  Why atheists do not trust in "Afterlife"?
  They are similar to those who believe that the medal has only one side.
  
  Could there be a shadow without light?
  It is difficult to say - without light cannot see anything.
  
  Whether so really the person is perfect?
  It is possible to learn it, having looked at a fly creeping on a ceiling.
  
  Than a free person differs from the unauthorized?
  A free person sees in what he gets involved, and the unauthorized person is unaware of it.
  
  Why do people trust the deceivers?
  And why husband believes to wife.
  
  What distinguishes need from passion?
  On need go, and on passion - soar.
  
  Why look forward, and then look back?
  In the first place hope, and then vexed.
  
  Where does lady superior maiden?
  In the dark.
  
  How to become rich?
  Initially make poor.
  
  That it is better: to live quietly and long or to live frantically and widely?
  The value has not longitude and latitude, but the degree of satisfaction.
  
  Whether really power is the main human value?
  If this is so, then what distinguishes the monkey alpha male from any powers that be?
  
  How to build a communism?
  The same as catch Sunny Bunny?
  
  What distinguishes the person from a fly?
  The fly is caught by a spider, and the person is caught by the creditor. Consequences are identical.
  
  Elite - the best of people?
  And foam - the best part of soup?
  
  What is conscience for the rich?
  Charity.
  
  How is our civilization living?
  Goes there, without knowing where.
  
  Why all are going to the zoo?
  To admire by itself in development.
  
  What is mockery?
  An extreme form of admonition.
  
  What represents a dream?
  Daily reminder on death.
  
  Whether it is worth thanking Bolsheviks for the made revolution?
  Not worth it, but where from Bolsheviks to disappear?
  
  German is better than Russian?
  If only the pedants better than the slobs.
  
  What is good in Chinaman?
  His eternal employment.
  
  Why Finns do not steal?
  They left Russia in a timely manner.
  
  Who such toady?
  In imperial Russia - the person in the hallway, in present Russia - on the contrary.
  
  Is it possible to explain everything?
  It is possible. But it is not need. Do not come in handy.
  
  Is there life on other planets?
  And whither can hide from it?
  
  Whether it is necessary to watch TV?
  It is not need to accuse the device in everything!
  
  In what cases is not necessary to be treated definitely?
  At deaths door.
  
  Who is most of all self-assured?
  A fool and politician.
  
  Why are afraid of height?
  Height insulting reveals insignificance of any person.
  
  Could there be Paradise on Earth?
  Paradise is elsewhere.
  
  Whether there was in the history at least one successful president?
  So far not, but the people still hope, going on re-elections.
  
  Why all spoil everything?
  All good intentions lead to hell.
  
  Why officials steal?
  You are mistaken! They do not steal, and drop to treasury.
  
  Who are now messrs?
  As always: former slaves and footmen.
  
  What means assignment of the premium?
  Nailing the laureate to the coveted pillar.
  
  Is it good to be as the pensioner?
  If thou will live up to this time?!
  
  Why everything rises in price, but doesn't become cheaper?
  Because the rise is better than the decline.
  
  Who is right - materialists or idealists?
  Neither those, nor others: where can consciousness build a nest without matter? And is it possible to test matter without consciousness!?
  
  Mankind - the herd?
  If a goat is leading the herd of sheep, then who then is leading mankind?
  
  Why everyone is looking for and finds for himself the yoke?
  It isn't necessary under a yoke to burden himself in searches.
  
  Whether purely spiritual life is possible?
  If to separate spirit from a body, then, alas, there comes death.
  
  Why the state against us?
  There are no other people for it.
  
  What is a difference between the work and the labor?
  The work is similar to digging of a grave, and the labor - to its landfilling.
  
  Why does time for happy life doesn't come?
  Because somebody hours aren't watched, others have no watch, and all else are just waiting in the wings.
  
  Part II. Perpendicular reasons
  
  Whether it is possible to be clever and silly simultaneously?
  It is possible, but uncomfortably. It will be unbroken glitch.
  
  What distinguishes heaviness from burden?
  The same, than the kettlebell differs from hangover.
  
  Why came into being taboo?
  And why appeared the fence?
  
  Where is the world coming to!?
  Where follows!
  
  Who rules the world?
  Our presence.
  
  What is the "thing in itself"?
  Thing, which has not reached yet, but there is hope that will come.
  
  How is spending time better?
  Time is not being spent - time is being led away.
  
  For what there is the person?
  For misconceptions, and the attempts the exiting from them.
  
  Why the lie is more pleasant than the truth?
  And why treacle is more pleasant than mixture?
  
  How to get out of the position without loss?
  As a woman in labor! She loses and right there finds.
  
  What is better - force or dexterity?
  Better to use force dexterously.
  
  How to overcome depression?
  To blow in a whistle deafeningly.
  
  Is it good to be rich?
  Very good! But it is better to be carefree!
  
  What was until us?
  In general, it was the same.
  
  Whether there will be an end to Everything?
  Surely! But everything will be started anew.
  
  Whether it is possible to get pleasure ceaselessly?
  It is possible. But long it will not turn out.
  
  What is it - to be famous?
  Better not to be!
  
  How to set goals?
  Within striking distance.
  
  How to overcome melancholy?
  Work out by gymnastics.
  
  Why is necessary to work?
  Otherwise you will not have a rest!
  
  Is the learning as the light?
  If there is the window.
  
  Whether it is necessary to marry?
  If there is a wish, then it is necessary!
  
  Whether it is possible grow to the academician?
  More perspective grows in another direction.
  
  How to become a scientist?
  Nohow! All of us are always only disciples.
  
  Is it good to be a doctor?
  Very bad! There are doubts in the correctness of the treatment of yourself.
  
  Whether is science history?
  Of course, no! Because in history happens to be by everyone.
  
  How lived without equipment and machines earlier?
  More useful to! Everyone worked on himself, but not with machines.
  
  What is the woman differed from the man in?
  By all! Otherwise she wouldn't be a woman.
  
  Is it possible to be silent for seven years as Buddha?
  If you are able to write?
  
  Is it possible to live without wars?
  No! Because is impossible to live without neighbors.
  
  Whether the person can become the free?
  He is already free, but very afraid of this.
  
  How low may fall?
  It depends on the height at which climbed.
  
  What is the pettiness?
  Boundless self-conceit.
  
  Why Christ said: "Thou shalt not kill"?
  He knew the senselessness of this procedure - all the same after death will follow the resurrection.
  
  Why is there no the good without evil?
  Because everyone bears malice, that outside goods do not belong to him.
  
  Whether there is emptiness?
  Only in head.
  
  What is beauty?
  It is what impossible take in any way.
  
  What is anarchy?
  Unattainable order without chiefs, inasmuch everyone tries to become by boss.
  
  What is the relationship?
  The most important thing! Without them - neither to distinguish, nor to divide.
  
  Why stars are necessary?
  For height.
  
  What is more important: the collective or the individual?
  It's the same thing, only temporarily divided.
  
  Is money evil?
  No. Money - the equivalent of goods.
  
  What is life?
  It is what cannot be under any laws, but happens.
  
  Whether it is necessary to repent?
  Just in front of self.
  
  What is capitalism?
  The same, as socialism - deception of working people under different sauce.
  
  What is the difference of religion from faith?
  Religion binds, and faith dazzles.
  
  Is the fighter better than the soldier?
  Certainly: because the form does not constrain him.
  
  Why love music?
  Love not music, but selves in its waves.
  
  What is the world?
  A movie! Only you are in it and a projector, and a director, and spectator, and actor at the same time.
  
  What differs clever from wise?
  Clever thinks of himself first of all, and wise - in the second.
  
  Stupidity and ignorance coincide or no?
  Not on your nelly: the ignorant is still able to see the light, but a fool is capable only to blink.
  
  What is most important in a person?
  The ability to take aim - everything else lives aimlessly.
  
  How to find your destiny?
  It will find you self.
  
  How to survive the hard times?
  Nohow. If you came to them - so to you and it is necessary.
  
  Could the stone to think and feel?
  If to reformat of it. But better let to itself lie.
  
  Why the world cannot stay?
  Stop the movie - and you will not see continuation.
  
  What is love in a general sense of this concept?
  The thrust.
  
  Optimism - the brother to talent?
  No. It - the brother to diligence.
  
  How to prolong youth?
  To shorten old age.
  
  What is more important: the result or the process?
  It is foolish to put a chicken in front of the egg, and vice versa.
  
  Whether the person will disappear, as such?
  How will disappear, so and will appear.
  
  Who is an agnostic?
  It is that, who carries idea of God in the bosom, trying not to let out it outside.
  
  What is characteristic of the living world?
  Mutual devouring.
  
  Which is better - idleness and labor?
  Each is better when the other becomes boring.
  
  In what climate it is better to live?
  In the natural.
  
  Whether it is necessary to go to elections?
  The choice is always, especially in the presence.
  
  Whether belief is in omens the prejudice?
  There is nothing reprehensible in drawing attention to the conspicuous.
  
  Why do people still go to the theatre?
  They want to make sure personally in the existence of third-party life.
  
  What is different "outside" and "inside"?
  Everything depends on position of the observer.
  
  What are now times?
  Exactly such, which we brought ourselves, but not someone another.
  
  Why do we need military in peacetime?
  To nest egg.
  
  Is the world the crazy?
  It isn't necessary to ascribe to the world the human properties.
  
  How to get rid of insomnia?
  In old age - nohow, in young age insomnia doesn't happen, at the intermediate age - walk before going to bed.
  
  Why had vice emerged?
  For comparison.
  
  Whether really it is easier to live for the optimist?
  It would be easier - he didn't turn into the pessimist over time.
  
  Silence - gold! Means, silence is more considerable than the word?
  Just as the fish is more considerable than the fisher.
  
  Whether really, that the internationalists is more preferable than racists?
  It is unlikely! The first try to lime everybody for the sake of the idea, the second - for the sake of breed.
  
  In what does the principal difficulty of mankind consist?
  In absence of understanding of that, what it generally is necessary for.
  
  Than opportunity differs from actuality?
  Opportunity is more pleasant, but it is impossible to overstay in it.
  
  Why horizon is slipping away?
  It is ashamed of rotundities of Earth.
  
  What are the reasons that people lose their teeth?
  The people lose teeth on different reasons, but the main thing - they do not find them.
  
  Why so love songs?
  It is more preferable sinking in them, than in the lake.
  
  What is myth?
  Lie, but supposedly - into salvation.
  
  Whence undertake diseases?
  From boredom of healthy life.
  
  Should we be aiming for unmistakable action?
  Strive, but remember that exactly behind errors are being revealed new horizons.
  
  What is well? And what is bad?
  Well when yet isn't worse, and it is bad when worse no place
  
  What is absurd?
  Extreme form of dissatisfaction of the person with common sense.
  
  Why the world is infested with parasites?
  Apparently, it is checked for survivability.
  
  Is moving time actually?
  Include a projector with the film, and on the screen too everything will move.
  
  Why animals do not laugh?
  Due to the lack of shortcomings they have no need to laugh.
  
  How can you visualize the infinity?
  Look into the distance and along of the railway gauge.
  
  What is through the looking glass?
  Nothingness, which turns around to thou.
  
 Ваша оценка:
Связаться с программистом сайта.

Новые книги авторов СИ, вышедшие из печати:
О.Болдырева "Крадуш. Чужие души" М.Николаев "Вторжение на Землю"

Как попасть в этoт список
Сайт - "Художники" .. || .. Доска об'явлений "Книги"