you are going to read a story of a millennial girl named Jane. She is an average girl that suffers from existential crisis. Jane has one person she can relate to, and two months ago they established their own literature, art & philosophy club. Hopefully you will enjoy the story. You might recognize yourself.
Yours,
Author
an extract from Jane's diary:
I am so surprised by the complex nature of human feelings! We tend to think that there are certain feelings which we happen to feel. However, I think it is much more complicated. Usually we feel different things at the same time, and probably it is the first and the last time when we happen to experience this. In our lives, I mean. And it is likely that another person will never get in the same kind of situation. Therefore, the person will never really be able to understand how exactly you feel. Writing this, I feel disappointed, forgotten by everyone, willing to change something but not being able to, solitary and... one more dozen of feelings I don't even know names to.
a recipe of the millennial by Jane:
You're God and don't know how to make a tasty millennial that all your family members would like? You're lucky to have this recipe at your fingertips!
existential crisis, 30 g
water 60%
brain 1,5 kg
mental disorders 40 g
irony 5000 kg
cool style and tattoos 40 g
self-expression 80%
being affected by unrealistic expectations 15 g
the will to be free 20 g
pressure at school, college, university, and work 40 g
doubts about having your own family 2 kg
social networks addiction 1 kg
being capable of doing/making something magnificent but never actually trying to 2 kg
happy moments 3%
Now put your future millennial in the oven and bake it for 25-35 minutes. Remove it and enjoy your unforgettable meal!
a piece of poetry by Jane, June 16, 2019:
Maybe solitude will help indeed,
But life isn't going to reduce its speed.
I feel lost, and I feel safe.
I feel so lonely and just obey
The laws of Universe, which work for ever.
I know that nothing's gonna change much. Never.
an extract from Jane's diary:
I guess I just feel connected to the world. Our Universe. The Sun, planets, the Solar System, the Milky Way, other Galaxies... It is so thrilling and unbelievable for a human brain. You know, scientists are the people who I admire most. I'd like to be a scientist myself (always wanted to), but I'm afraid I wouldn't stand it. I'd just go crazy in the end. Because the world we're living in is so complex, unpredictable and mysterious that it can frighten you in the worst possible way. Religion is just a way of escaping. But it never truly works. You're never going to get proofs. You can only try to study at least one small part of the Universe so that some things should make sense and explain how they work.
the message that Jane would like to publish:
S O U L M A T E W A N T E D
I'm looking for soulmates. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and someone might be looking for me as well. Waiting for a chance to come, just like me. My dear soulmate, I just want to meet you, hug you, look straight into your eyes, and feel something. We would be only equals, being able to play our intellectual game on the same level. You would stay a mystery for me, at least for a while, but I would dream to reveal your secrets and comprehend your thoughts every day spent on this planet. Because your universe would attract mine so fiercely strong that I would not be able to resist. And when I see you, let my heart melt like a chocolate candy under the sun rays because of the happiness and affection arising inside. My dear soulmate, find me.
a dialogue between Jane and Alex, sometime in 2019:
J: ...And, you know, the whole concept of life, of our existence seems kind of weird to me. I have knowledge of science and at least have a general idea of how things work in this world, I comprehend it and can think critically. But isn"t it strange that some people - most of them, probably - aren"t capable of the same thing?
A: I see what you mean. And how sad is it to be human? How can people be optimistic and enjoy their hobbies knowing the things that put an end to our existence and deprive it of any meaning? The meaning that has nothing to do with primitive desires and human needs, without which none of us would be able to live.
J: Why is it like this, Alex?.. In this sense we are no better than ants. The result will be the same, as well as impotence.
A: Crazy, right? And people aren't that different at all. You may live in Paris or in a Russian village, the Czech Republic or Brazil, but you all care about the same kind of things: family, clothes, music, friends, job, furnishing, food, and care. Everything"s the same.
J: I even want to joke about it somehow, because it makes me feel insane. We all continue to live, having identical needs and problems every day, knowing that the world is incomprehensible for a human mind. And none of us knows where all this stuff will lead us.
A: Well, actually we do. We know what the main outcome will be like, and many people are so frightened of it that they've come up with the concept of religion.
J: And now we continue to live as if nothing has happened! You know, actually I don't mind, I'd like to do the same thing with religion to calm my nerves, but I don't think my brain will ever let me do it. But the fact that humanity has been doing it for millennia is stunning.
A: I guess that it also the reason why we create a lot of cute things such as decorations, cakes, movies, gifts, interiors, gardens. So as to cope with existential despair... What is life, huh? And what will it lead us to? You, me?
J: No idea, but I hope to see you in your forties chilling in Hawaii, drinking a cocktail from the pineapple cup, wearing really cool sun glasses and having a lot of awesome tattoos. The ones you already have are fantastic.
A: Thanks, darling. You know, I think that conversations about our existence in this huge Universe can bring people together, for we are the only thing we have. We only have each other. We can only support each other, living alongside absurdity and despair. And it's great. It is great that there is some way out. Human beings, the ones with real brains, are a truly wonderful species.
a club advertisement by Alex, 2019:
Are you a millenial looking for the answer for our existence?
Join our PAL club and find like-minded students
We're going to discuss:
Philosophy
Art
Literature
and share our own works with one another
"The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself." - Carl Sagan
First meeting September 4, room 20B, 2 PM
a poem written in a blue ink neat handwriting on a sheet of paper found by Alex after one of their PAL club meetings sometime in September, 2019; no addressee:
The only thing I see in you is pure art.
And it does matter if one day we will be apart.
But now there's only one thing that I want to do:
I want to come and say the nicest things to you.
I want to say that I admire you the most:
The way you look and wear all your clothes,
The way you smile, the way you tell your stories,
And hundred different ways of other of your glories.
The way you see the world and live your life
Inspires me to do the same and have no strife.
You are not ordinary; that is why I like you.
I wish I knew you. I've been waiting months,
And now I'm trying to fulfill my chance.
I'll always think of you. Inside of me
There's a garden with a hidden tree
And flowers shyly blooming every day,
And birds are hovering above the bay.
The way they gently flap their wings
Makes me enjoy the warmth and peace it brings.
You'll never feel the same about me.
I am convinced because of what I see.
But here's the thing: I only wrote this
Because I wanted you to know that I exist.
Continue going on your precious way,
Becoming more amazing day by day.
x
sometime in 2019:
"Hey, what are you working on?"
Jane went up to Alex who was sitting in the hall and writing something.
"A dark poem. It's going to be about a man who decided to explore his unconscious and after all realized that he was trapped there from now on and forever."
Alex paused for a second thinking about something and then went on.
"At first he found himself standing on a desert black road, and there was nothing else but this road and the distant door at the end of it. The man was surrounded with absolute darkness but was eager to begin his investigation. He went straight and crossed the threshold. Now he was in the forest covering all space, which had no end. The deeper he went into the forest, the scarier it appeared to be. In the ground there were tacks and stakes hidden by someone. The man moved forward leaving a blood trail. He cried so hard and was so desperate that for some reason his body began to shine with gold. He decided to take a break and leaned on the tree... But the light he emitted let him see something terrifying. All the trees had golden leaves and were decorated with human heads. Dead human heads. They were rotten and blackened. The man's eyes were full of terror. He came closer to the head hanging right in front of him, stared at it and touched it to check if that was real... But right after that he turned out to be in a dark space. In the distance he could see a room but it was not clear what was happening there. He came closer so as to see what was going on. When he approached the room, he noticed a girl sitting on the sofa. Her eyes were tearful. They gazed at each other for some time, but then the girl looked away. A single tear slowly rolled down her cheek. She put her head down and stared at one point. She was just sitting there without any moving, looking like a frozen marble statue. Suddenly a ghost appeared behind her. It had barely distinguishable features. It was white and sheer. The ghost tried to hug her but the girl was indifferent to its actions. That is the first part..."
"But you already know what the ending will be like, don't you?"
Jane looked closely at Alex.
"I bet there is something thrilling. There must be."
"At the end the man found himself in the abandoned palace in a room full of rags. The light was dimmed; the furniture was destroyed. The man heard some rustling in the corner of the room and came closer to it. And that is the moment... He noticed a portrait hanging on the wall. The traits of the painted person seemed so familiar... It was him. It was the portrait of that man. And he had no idea where and when it was painted, nor did he know where it came from. The man touched the cheek of the painted person. He was overwhelmed. But most importantly, he began to realize that he was trapped in that room, in that palace, in that world. The unconscious. Despair began to seize him slowly. The man on the portrait blinked, which provoked emitting of fear. And... Well, that's it, if you consider it thrilling."
"That is an interesting idea. Why did you decide to write about it?"
"The author never reveals their secrets."
Alex smiled and grabbed her things. The girls went to the yard to stroll and chat during the break.
a book review by Jane, November 11, 2019:
In my life there were some books that completely amazed me and changed me in some way. But there is one special book that has a stronger impact on me than the other ones. The book changed my perception of life completely, and I doubt I will ever be the same. I am talking about "Parallel worlds: a journey through creation, higher dimensions, and the future of the Cosmos" by Michio Kaku, a theoretical physicist and popularizer of science. I finished reading it in March 2019, and that is the time when my existential crisis reached its highest level. To put it briefly, the book is about how our Universe came to existence and how it might end; there are also chapters about possibility of the presence of parallel universes and whether we can go there or not. Clearly, these are topics that may shatter you to the very foundations. A human should be careful while learning this information, so I beg you to take great care about yourself and your beloved ones because no matter what happens you are still living your life trying to give it as much meaning as possible. I'm being cautious because I want to enumerate the facts that amazed me most of all. They might amaze you as well.
1) When the Sun might get too dangerous for us that it would be able to destroy us, scientists would intentionally bombard the planet Earth with asteroids in order to change its orbit. It would help to make our planet pull to a neighboring star and live under its light.
2) There is the same likelihood that we either destroy ourselves with nuclear weapons or due to environmental pollution, or go through the stages of higher civilization. The highest stage implies colonization of our galaxy, life among different stars and using the star energy.
3) There are different theories about what the end of the Universe will be like. Some scientists think the end of the Universe will be hot, others claim it will be cold. But irrespective of the kind of the end, humanity will perish anyway because either way there will be conditions impossible to survive in. And it makes me think, does it really matter when humanity perishes if this is going to happen anyway? Why are we still living? What is our aim?
4) Humanity has an idea how to survive. We might turn ourselves into robots uploading our mind into them. These robots would be able to think independently, but since the speed of the processes taking place in the Universe will slow down, it might take millions of years for them to perform mental operations. And even after that they might end up dying.
So, as you see now, everything is complicated, astonishing, and rather unbelievable. I do believe that this might be the only thing in this world that may shatter any person to their very foundations. I had no idea how to continue to live knowing this information about our life, but I think I might have found an answer, at least for myself.
Since the Universe itself is indifferent to human beings and has no sense that we would understand (or no sense at all), we must create our own sense of our life, stick to it, do our best, and don't forget about the planet we live in. Since we continue to choose life to death, we should take care of the planet because this is our only home. And I don"t only mean environment but also people around us. We shouldn"t create Utopia, but we should try to do as much as possible and be rational. There are not two extremes, the good one and the bad one - everything is interconnected and can"t be separated. The world is the place where everything is mixed - events, worldviews and ways of thinking, lives. And the further we go in, the more chaotic it gets. But we should accept this fact and manage to live with it.
The answer for my existence is learning. Learning about the world and the works of human beings. Our mind, being the inexhaustible source of ideas, is a marvelous thing. That is why the name of the club I created is Philosophy & Art & Literature, which is also a good word play because this club is supposed to help you find pals who feel the same way about the world. Philosophy, art, and literature are the best things human minds can create because they manage to unite our thoughts and feelings about the world and objective facts about it. This is our way of living our lives and comprehending reality.
That's it. I want to finish my narration here. But I will always be here ready to continue telling the story about pretty much anything and everything. There are still some secrets which have not been unraveled yet.
Dear reader, thank you for reading this paper.
Choose your destiny. Good luck with your life.
Hopefully we will meet again.
Yours,
Author
A N N E X
About despair
Despair is red-and-black.
It smells like boiling water.
It tastes like tasteless food you automatically put in your mouth.
It sounds like hundreds of people crying for help.
It feels like something inevitable.
It looks like tragedy plots in the paintings of classicism.
Despair is standing still and not being able to move.
About purity
Purity is sky-blue and white.
It smells like southern wind blowing gently when it is the end of May.
It sounds like soft rustling of trees when you lie on the ground and look at the sky. It may also sound like ocean waves.
It feels like a harmonious heartbeat spilled all over your soul which has a soft blue color and a delicate golden frame.
It looks like a single tear rolling down the cheek, and sunrises, and sunsets, and the darkness that comes after.
Purity is looking at the stars while holding hands with your friend, wondering about the way of the world.
What I am
Me.
Curious, polite, ironic, ready to help.
Lover of knowledge, literature and the way people are.
Who feels tired most of the day; feels that there is a light inside that hopefully will never fade away; feels like each event is taking place right now somewhere on the background and, although might remain unnoticed, could have important consequences.
Who needs care, love, and to be understood.
Who fears to be misunderstood and forgotten, and to lose the sense of life.
Who would like to see a smile on a friend's face when they see you; foreign countries; brighter future.
"The world is my country, science is my religion."