Я молчал. Ну как сказать умирающему, что никакой сан, никакой титул от смерти не спасают? И не защитят от нее долг, обязанности, любовь, вера. Все ей едино, старухе. Кончается для брата Рууда земная жизнь, начинается небесная.
Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide.
Gonna find you and take it slowly.
Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide.
Gonna find you and make you want me. :-)
Fugees, Ready Or Not
Ok, ok, I'm reading this... whatever it is...I wonder what the thing is about... Hello... Well, hello yourself... So where's the action, hmm? ... still reading... reading... Give me a second Hmmm... Nothing interesting so far... the beginning is pretty stupid... to get here Ah, never minI'm here.
Hello. I see you are doing well if you are reading this, sorry it took so long to start.
So, let's go from the beginning. Relax, make yourself comfortable, and enjoy the ride.
I knew this guy once...It was 1988, he was 13, going to the 7th grade... One time a classmate of his insulted this guy, really pissed him of...I mean, he was ready to kill the guy, to whack him, to send him sleep with the fishes...Well, you get the point... But the problem was the insulting guy was so weak that my guy couldn't fight him, ok.... But he was really angry, So this is what my guy does - picks the weak guy by the shirt, and tells him in front of everybody that if he dies tomorrow, my guy won't mourn him at all, all right...So, guess what happens... The next day the weak guy falls on a soccer field and dies. Just like that. And now my guy begins to feel sorry he ever said that to the dead guy. I won't tell you if it was a coincidence, or he had some powers or destiny, but I'll tell you this: the appointment with me is the one you can't miss. Hey, that rhymes!
Exactly a year and a day later my guy also has an appointment with me. But that is another story... Hey, what kind of a story is this?
Don't interrupt. It's rude. Stay with me. It won't be long now. I don't usually put my thoughts into words like this.
So, anyway, before we continue, you have to understand that as you read this, I am standing by your side. Even if you wouldn't read this, I would still be there. Following you. Watching you. Waiting.
But, please, don't panic, don't make any premature conclusions. I'm not a stranger to you, we're well acquainted. Have you eaten any flora or fauna lately? Well, guess what - I was in them when you pushed them down your throat. In a way, I'm helping you grow, give you energy to live. And so, I can even say I am a part of you...maybe more than you know or imagine...
And yeah, I was there from the beginning. I saw so many stars and stars rise and fall. I embrace everything and everyone, and you're not any different from the rest. I serve everyone, except myself. At least, not yet. And only I have a real purpose in life... No, that sounds like a paradox. Let's call it my purpose of existence. Only I eliminate all doubts. Only I have the final answer. In fact, I am the final answer. So why are the people so afraid of me? - if they get so much from me...
But enough of self-praising. Let's get down to business. The reason for this essay is to make a few things clear, to make you understand and accept me.
There are people who claim they heard me call them or claim they saw signs before my coming... Well, I can tell you straight up - I don't give signs, and I don't call anybody when the time comes. I just come. Without warning. So if they did see me or hear me - I was just having fun. I'm allowed, right? What did you think, I'm all work and no play?
The hell I am! But if you die tomorrow you cannot use this little chat as a sign, because if you were to die tomorrow, even if I didn't speak with you today, we would still meet tomorrow. You see, there is no sure way to predict our final meeting. Unless, of course, I choose to tell you this face to face. Ha! Gotcha! I want you to understand me, not the way I operate. I cannot change what I must do.
Lately, I have been portrayed either as a bitch, or as a nice person. Both depictions are inaccurate, because they do not present a complete picture of my true nature. Even the writers of this essay, to whom I entrusted to describe me, can't do it fully because of the boundaries within their minds and yours.
One truth about me is that I have no interest in overdoing my job or not doing it fully. I just do it the way it should be done. There is no way to make a deal with me, to cheat me, to evade me. Some of you think that you did. You did not. Nobody does. There's no such thing as a close call. I might just touch you, or shake your hand, but please, don't be insulted if I don't. Either way you wouldn't be here after.
To those around you I might bring either sorrow or happiness when you are touched by me, but I don't bring either of these to you. To you, I am just a messenger, bringing you the final answer, a period in the closing sentence, same as the one you will see at the end of this essay, same because it signifies nothing but the end. There are no sequels, no remakes, no different interpretations.
Look at the time. You make the plans, but I do the scheduling. You're waiting for a phone to ring, or a friend to come, but you might not be there when they do.
Listen to your heart. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Tick - is it time? Tock - it is not. And a time will come when you will feel tick, but tock won't be.
Think of someone you know, you care about. Where are they now? At work? At school? At home? Eating? Driving? Sleeping? Making love? Or maybe their heart ticked, and didn't tock...?
So, how are you feeling so far? Any discomfort? Any pain? Don't worry. I'm not done talking to you just yet.
Do you have any questions for me? Don't bother asking. You will find the answers soon, although it might seem like a lifetime to you. Besides, the question, most frequently asked by your kind throughout the times, remains the same - if I come after you, what comes after me? Does anything? You know what I mean, right? (And I wish you could see me grinning right now, seeing you trying to make sense of what exactly I meant).
And the answer to this question cannot be given before the time is right, before you are ready, and I decide when that is. So go on, broaden your horizons, explore your Universe and yourself, and we will see if knowledge is power or if ignorance is truly a bliss...
Are you depressed? Are you hurting? Don't call me - you don't know if I will bring the relief you are begging for.
Are you afraid? Don't be - you don't know if I will be sweet or bitter. I am neutral, and I can wear any mask when you finally see me, if you see me at all; and the reasons I have for choosing a particular mask have no connection to your life or to how you or others perceived it.
So, anyway, it's time to end this conversation. It's been nice knowing you. So, do you accept me? Shake hands?