Аннотация: The Story about Bulgakov and about polar bears
The Story about Bulgakov and about polar bears
Ivan Nikolayich typed "polar bears" in the search bar.
The search engine grouped messages and appropriated to separate groups a headings.
The attention of Ivan Nikolaevich attracted three groups:
1) On the Novaya Zemly there was an invasion of polar bears
2) Ekaterina Zaitseva: "Any ecological problem of the Earth is directly related to Magnitogorsk"
3) Money on wind. Why Rosatom builds GOK in the Arctic
The first of these three headings contained 3 messages and a link to 99 messages.
Ivan Nikolayich clicked on the link. Opened 102 messages...
Ivan Nikolayich got worried.
Typical terms in the messages were:
1) invasion (polar bears),
2) aggressive behavior (polar bears),
3) persecution (from the polar bears),
4) fighting (polar bears),
5) threat (from polar bears),
6) non-peaceful behavior (polar bears),
7) army (polar bears),
8) outrage (polar bears),
9) violators (polar bears),
10) keep in awe of inhabitants (polar bears),
11) the predators which came for hunting (in sense - came for hunting for the person),
12) the threat of violence from six-foot hungry beast,
13) they walk down the street by a gang of 3-6 pieces (polar bears),
14) attack (polar bears attack).
The neutral negative formulation was met: "annoying".
There were a few neutral, for example:
1) the situation with polar bears.
2) the solution to the problem of polar bears...
Some creative persons used playful and ironic formulations:
1) Scientists still have to analyze the reasons for the unauthorized rally of bears and propose preventive measures.
2) Information noise around the provision of emergency announced on New Earth because of a mass exit to people of polar bears does not stop.
3) Today to the aid of the besieged inhabitants of Novaya Zemlya the Moscow "bear-hunters" take off.
4) Four persons ... the bear army will not banish, but, at least, will estimate a situation and will develop the plan of opposition to shaggy army.
5) Cases of aggressive behavior of wild animals - attack on people, penetrations into inhabited and service premises are noted
Ivan Nikolaevich found one critical statement addressed a human:
"It is a human of his unreasonable behavior, namely the creation of landfills, attracted bears to the places of settlements."
Met mentioning hunger (but without much sympathy):
1) Bears had to stay on the ice and feed on seals, but due to climate change they are starving,
2) Residents suffer from the invasion of hungry and aggressive polar bears.
3) Hungry polar bears come into entrances.
Attracted his attention to a poetic discovery:
"Past float century, Sleep under the ice of the sea, rub about... about a door a bears, Earth Spins".
(Actually "bears rub against the axis"...,- thought Ivan Nikolayich).
One time "warming" and "thawing" (thawing of ices) met:
1) Warming may cause polar bears to crossbreed with brown bears.
2) WWF: due to the melting of ice, the invasion of polar bears to the New Earth will only intensify.
Ivan Nikolaevich raised the candle and cried out: - Brothers in literature! (His hoarse voice grew stronger and hotter.) Listen to me everyone! He appeared! Catch him immediately, otherwise he'll do untold harm!
- What? What? What he said? Who's there? - the voices came from all sides.
- Polar bear! - Ivan replied.
Here from the inner hall of the people tumbled down on the veranda, around the Ivan"s fire moved the crowd.
- It is guilty, guilty, tell more precisely, - the low and polite voice was heard over Ivan's ear.
- Polar bear! - looking around, Ivan responded.
- And how his surname? - a voice quietly asked on an ear.
- That, a surname! - in melancholy shouted Ivan, - if I knew the surname! I didn't see the surname ... I only remember the first letter of "be", "Be" name! What's the last name on "Ve"? - clutching his hand on his forehead, he asked Ivan and suddenly muttered - - Ve, ve, ve! Wo... We... Wagner? Wagner? Weiner? Wegner? Winter? - the hair on Ivan's head began to travel from tension.
- Beer? - a woman cried out pity.
Ivan got angry.
- Idiot! Silly woman! - he shouted, searching for the woman who shouted. - What about beer? Wo, Wo... No! I can't remember! Well, here's what, citizens: call the police to send five motorcycles with machine-guns, a polar bear to catch. I sense he's here!
Ivan became restless, shook others, started waving the candle, pouring wax on himself, and to look under the tables. Here the word was heard: "Doctor!"and someone's tender, fleshy face, clean-shaven and plump, horned-rim glasses, appeared before Ivan.
- Comrade Bezdomny, - said the face solemnly, - calm down! All of us perfectly understand it. You need rest. Now companions lead you to a bed, and you will rest...
- You, - Ivan interrupted, - whether you understand that it is necessary to catch a polar bear? And you climb to me with the nonsenses! Cretin!
The commander ordered precisely, clearly, quickly: - Panteley from a still-room. Militiaman. Protocol. Car. In psychiatric. - Also added: - Whistle!
Through a quarter of hour extremely struck public not only at restaurant, but also in the boulevard and in windows of the houses saw how from Griboyedov's gate Panteley, the door-keeper, the militiaman, the waiter and the poet Ryukhin took out swaddled as a doll, the young man who, breaking into tears, was spat, striving to get to Ryukhin, choked with tears and shouted:
- Swine!
The driver of the truck with an evil face started the engine. Nearby the reckless driver hit the horse a violet reins, shouted:
- And here on running! I can to deliver into a mental!
Around the crowd buzzed, discussing an unprecedented incident...
February 16, 2019 15:03
Translation from Russian into English: February 16, 2019 16:07.
Владимир Владимирович Залесский "Рассказ о Булгакове и о белых медведях".