>WOMEN'S ENGLISH
>
>Yes = No
>No = Yes
>Maybe = No
>I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
>We need = I want
>It's your decision. = The correct decision should be >obvious by now.
>Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later!
>We need to talk. = I need to complain.
>Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
>I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
>You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever >think about?
>This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
>I want new curtains. = and carpeting, and furniture, and >wallpaper...
>Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!
>I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
>Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
>How much do you love me? = I did something today you're >really not going tolike.
>I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a >good game on TV.
>Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
>You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
>Are you listening to me!? = {Too late, you're dead}
>Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk >him until he goes to sleep?
>I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is >important.
>
>
> MEN'S ENGLISH
>
>I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
>I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
>I'm tired. = I'm tired.
>Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have >sex w/you.
>Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have >sex w/you.
>Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex >w/you.
>May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex >w/you.
>Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
>You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to >fondle you.
>What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big >deal out of this.
>What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted >psychological trauma are you going through now?
>What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
>I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
>I love you. = Let's have sex now.
>I love you, too. = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
>Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
>Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50.00 and it doesn't look that much different!
>Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person so that you'd like to have sex with me.
>Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
>(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home.