# Aron Stepanyan Fiasco

Вячеслав Владимирович Тимофеев

Fiasco

Soviet Flint

Scrubbed a five-kopeck coin with a copper belt buckle.

Stepdaughter

Pumps oil for North America.

Podnebesny (Critique)

He boldly argues that the Russian girls should be more like the women in the US and the UK: to disregard

their fathers" judgement and the Domostroy. Sorting grains and needlework make him laugh. The very

idea of matchmaking is dismissed as well.

Nose Bridge

I sat on a perch, humming a tune, missing my turn.

Hole Punch in Tbilisi

For receipts and driver"s licenses.

Girl Got Johnny-Depped

Sliding his hand along her spine, a North Caucasian man, with a rose gripped between his teeth, deftly

dipped her in a passionate dance.

Militarization

In the house of the blind, the strippers militarized.

American Woman

She knows how to kiss a deer, but won"t make a snowflake.

Wild Qi Energy

The cattle and the bees in the village stopped hiding their droppings and brood.

Buried Moscow

No one cares about your movements. News from the last decade.

Scanner

Starting the desync, the Scanner says, "Slob on my knob!" Licking a finger, I respond, "You took the

words right out of my mouth!"

I"m Weak

I lost my eyesight looking at this jerkwater town.

Giant

Zheka the Giant got run over by a band"s tour bus.

Italian Tie

Tailored from patterns with fusible interfacing.

Photographer

The photographer in a tubeteika, thinking that the world revolves around him, clings tightly to his life, at

the very last second.

Skirt

A black skirt with a cutout in the back split at the seam.

A chick or a jock?

An absolute truth or a spherical cow in a vacuum?

Chub

Are you angling me on joints and thresholds?

Father"s Money

If needed - give it, easy as falling off a log. Tumbleweed-son.

Zoophile

Convinced that not all dogs go to heaven.

Greenhorns

A rag-tag bunch of sleepless hacks.

The Sea Spread Wide

We mixed up the seasons and crossed the Red Sea on ice.

Blood Clot

Fumbled again.

Green Beret

Plowed through that field, through and through to the marrow.

Dunno

After Dunno discovered that the Moon was empty and after the subsequent ruin of Sun city, he settled in

comfortably - in Hell.

Percent

That"s what you"ll lose when it"s all over.

Citramon

Old hags and I are hooked on this drug.

Thorium-based matches

A star, hope kindled inside it.

Outlaw

The Boar, the Flies, the Raven, and the Tree of Life.

Filaret

The blasphemer"s shipwreck and a mighty one.

Blood Worm

A red oil painting - quite a sight.

Middle Ages

Rubber face and butt.

Soda

A tender hearted boy has a finger in every pie.

Pauper

They kicked his ass down from the Heavens. He now works at a pharmacy.

Horizon

If you"re not using Dutch angle, Uncle Sam awaits you.

First name, Patronymic

A brave heart and a series of little tragedies.

Strawberry Runners

In the abbey, I tended to grapevines and strawberry runners. After mass, I marked the days on the

calendar - thrashed it. Strawberry fields stretched endlessly. That"s how I rid myself of poor taste - in

clothing, in conversation, and in music.

Spitzbergen

The island of the devoured.

Luggage Porter

"Sir! This suitcase is full of shit from the Russian president - it"s to go under the New Year tree!"

Clutch

Crutches, carts, walkers - they neither turn the world nor leave the dead rest.

Porcine Mimetic Pipeline

Two pigs won"t reverse - and one pig eats another.

Bathroom

A catfish, a burbot and a goldfish stuck in the bathroom.

Bullfinch

The winner, Linda"s number one guy.

Across the River in the Shade of Trees

There"s Alaska, work that suits you, French speech, hot tea and old fashioned etiquette.

Slop

List of ingredients: mayo, instant ramen, and two sausages.

Story About a White Calf

Two heads and an empty chalice of sins.

Bioshock

Of paramount importance: 1 + 1 = 1

Ogre

All ears - and always hungry.

Chocolate

I"d be happy to get into heaven, but my shortcomings are holding me back.

Hellfire

Deride the faults of vulgar women, make mention of the paltry, invoke uncertainty, permit the airing of

one"s dirty laundry.

Demonic Tools

To tame the flesh: clips, pins, staples and bolts.

Password of Death

Bookworm. Myopia - it"s my word against yours.

Maggots

I"ll keep my distance and stay off his field. When they speak of the dead, Yurets is quick on his feet

- can"t be beat.

House heating

Father Frost, a cat, a mouse and a moonshine distiller.

Prices Bite

Net and gross are two twin brothers.

For Real

Linear thinking and four walls.

Neocon

No windows, no doors... The roaches went on a pilgrimage.

Tub

A family in a tub - ran a red light. Faced the storm. Had the tub been safe, you"d wonder at the story"s

length.

Portrait

The artist in the portrait - over the years he became a real son of a bitch.

Onto Kitsch

Firefighters - a flamethrower onto kitsch.

Piece of Eden

That"s a grain of rationality.

Risen from the Ass

You who were born in a black man"s ass or in the trunk of a car - make yourselves known!

The Wars of Flowers

The War of the Roses and a couple of narcissists thrown in.

Gymnastyorka

One military tunic drove a captured Dutchman crazy.

Pink Little Devils

My finances are singing romances and I"m on a tie.

Dark Cultist 2

The commemorative ruble just like a medal has two sides.

Mistake

The money is not in the bedside table, but on the bedside table.

Venture Capital

Where devils dance in sandals.

Understatement

It relies on prejudices and clichés.

Someone Else"s Track

Free alcohol and snacks.

Hawthorn Skull

It lends you good sense and wit - according to the chronicles.

Mishka Kvakin

He"d chase pigeons and summon his crew with a swaggering whistle.

Truth

Gen Z are Jesuits and a Skuf is a knockoff Scythian.

Matchmaker for the Mind

In Rus", matchmakers abound - and arrogance all around.

Zagorsk

She"s 10 but she"s from Zagorsk.

Two Captains

An aviation captain and a submarine captain - they ascended in sync, one giving the other a hand.

Ski Pole in Flight

While the ski pole was in flight, the sergeant major smoked a cigarette, glanced at his watch, and took out

an enemy guard.

Garage Construction Cooperative

Pay your taxes and sleep soundly.

Mentor

A mentor in shiny patent boots, on thin and crooked legs, along the spacious path - on a knife"s edge. If

you"re going to die, make it to music.

Protégé

Brash and lame protégé.

Russian Sailor

He knows how to ask the right question.

Cyst

Gut-molester and impotent - open up your mind.

Formula of Meaning

A little fir tree born in the forest and so are the gifts of the Magi.

Beard

A beard won"t guarantee victory - you have to do the heavy lifting.

Male Nurse

That sickly sweet male nurse, you couldn"t get a glass of water out of him if your life depended on it.

French Baguette Crust

Workers and unions go on strike; soldiers desert the ranks.

What? Where? When?

When did you hatch? You - beat-up piece of work. I know what you are!

Behind the Local Garages

This is the final fantasy.

Salam and Barely So

One chair for both of them.

If You Are Not Bolsheviks

Then you"ve all been lying - with all the consequences.

Vladivostok, Two Thousand Rubles

The fate of Sodom and Gomorrah may very well await this city.

Commandant"s Office

The commandant"s office is up and running, they started checking documents in contested territories.

Gaz Jeep

Joint effort through sweat and labor, produces a Gaz jeep.

My Past and Thoughts

The generation of Pepsi, private cars, and home computers.

Banking Business

Banking for dummies: the bank isn"t linked to a phone - there"s silence and banking confidentiality.

Crack

A soapy trickle of laundry soap.

Communal Candle

A nickel-plated tray that kept coming back to the communal candle. "I"ll show you a museum," said the

camera. My sister disappeared, along with the table runner and all the food.

Little Hawk

A conformist, a grabber, a flyer.

Sanitary Inspector

The sanitary inspector roamed around the market, fining anyone with stale meat and pawing spoiled

goods for himself. He had a camera with him and a roll of film with 10 exposures. He used two of them,

sending the market director into a stupor.

Sugar Curve 3

It always trends upward. It can be adjusted by donating blood and reducing sugar consumption.

But in France...

America is out of our league now.

Switchboard

"Hello, miss - is this the switchboard? Put me through to the Director"s office.

Abbey

An unholy force led me to the Abbey, across the bridge of Variolus. I became a Kellogg there. For a long

time, I was in charge of the grain.

Devil"s phone

Dial 188888 - where am I?

Race game

Time"s ongoing, dynamic march.

Companions and Vessels

Why do I need companions if I"m a driver? I swim like a brick - I need a vessel.

Gringo

Russian reality is nothing but a double negative.

Fountain

"Triple arch," said the Master, plugging a fountain with a cigarette.

Mutations

Man-like apes astride Arabian steeds.

Tit for Tat

The Soviets strike back. Conceptually speaking, tit for tat with a statement.

Comeback

Love and sports don"t last forever, but sometimes they make a comeback. Or they come in a different

Headlights

Halogen lights - saves energy, passes inspection with ease.

Everyman

The spectrum goes lengthwise along the wave, but all the aspects go crosswise.

Cobalt Sex Bomb

Her man couldn"t hold her and that cobalt sex bomb detonated, hurtling toward the Hawaiian Islands.

Technical difficulties

In Judaism, that means tefillin and tallit.

Mozus

He stocked up at Chizhik, where you could find mountains of eggs, rolls of paper, nuts, and pizza.

Rostok and Stella

Rostok is a hero of the asphalt, while Stella is an independent entity.

Golden Cabinet

After Christmas it is by the fire poker and the hearth. Gold turned to bronze.

Cowards Die Many Times

The undertaker and the funeral parlor.

Jerk water and honey cheeseburger

Cardboard overhead in the downpour and gold teeth flickering in morgue light.

Caste

These prissy battling cynics straight out of the Victorian era.

Funeral Savings

A biker crashed his bike killing a passenger. An old woman produced her funeral savings and then my

superior from the criminal investigation unit and I held a wake for the woman.

Yamaha

The Guard commander asked, "Ma"am, who are you?", "I"m Makha," she replied. "And I"m Vakha," he

said with a wink.

All Water

Water will always find its way through.

State

Having shelved the matter, Petrushka walked out onto thin ice.

Closed chain

A chain of five carbon steel grades.

Hellhole

A city that doesn"t appear on stamps or in any phonebooks.

Amazonians

Dancing in the rain playing coy.

Murderess

A music box of instigators and bachelors.

Porcine Mimetic Pipeline

Two pigs won"t reverse - and one pig eats another.

Bite Guard

The bite guard keeps teeth from rotting into mushroom stumps.

Towhead

One phone call to the Towhead is all we needed to sell a Chupa Chup.

Flier

A simple airplane in the night sky.

false Travel Companion

Ignore the money and the signs - they"re false companions.

Timati

The gang leader of the runners.

Dead Zone

Sex, drugs, rock and roll - plus a little extra.

Low Blow

A right hook from the lee side, straight into the roof.

Buried

They waltz eagerly. Their rider says: no wine, no typewriter.

Silhouette

Each little imp needs to know his own little spot or his number.

Behind the Grimy Screen

Dark classics, wet asphalt grey, tinted glass, a dirty plate, and winter footwear.

Old hags

I turned to the soldier, "Soldier, are there hags loitering on your base?" He replied: "Today is marked as a

holiday on the calendar."

TV tower

The criminal took to skis, but the TV tower stopped him cold in winter.

Road to Lobotomy

Aron Stepanyan, do you see this too?

Knuckle sandwich

Courtesy of the restorer and Stendhal.

Way of Turtle

Low crawling in union blues moving from one leaf to the next.

Zeitnot

The alarm clock showed half past three. The shotgun and the dog are set for the hunt; we"re waiting for

the train.

Sly Bastard

That sly bastard drank neither juice nor water - he was broke. He sold his own picture for two grand, then

bought himself some cheap coffee.

Seamstress

I offer my gratitude for your hard labor, for your service, and for our intimate collaboration.

Gaping Heights

Two comrades, gun smoke from the barrel, an ice palace, a bullet made of shit, horses in the ocean.

Fur Coat Plus

Wolf, glasses, other people"s rationale, big names.

Dignity

The athlete reached the end of his rope, got addicted to coffee and chocolate, losing his dignity.

American Way

Three lines going in three different directions, filling the spatial cube.

Where"s the Detonator?

"Where"s the detonator?" - what followed was shamanic chanting and frog-hopping.

Krang

My furious mind is coming to a boil - encased in tomato foil. On live television. In a detention room

beyond the auditorium.

Hack Icon Painter

All cut from the same cloth. One for all and all for one - he grabbed God by the beard.

Errand Boss

I"ll thrash you so your backside ends up looking like the Union Jack.

The fall of a Man - Stage by Stage:

A woman left him.

He lost his faith.

His ass was torn to pieces.

He went completely off the chain.

He lost his car and his clothes.

Death reached him out on the streets; by stabbing wound, illness, or exposure.

David"s Sling

Dude, did you know that electrons move? I can pump you full of lead.

Artyom

Artyom the vampire, come join your friends.

Poked Mouse

The mouse that ate the cactus is now glowing in the dark.

Spam Sender

Creates a dossier based on two DNA strands.

Froze Stiff

Hey mister, we have self-service here.

Potemkin Villages

Military service is absent - instead, there are anglers, laundry women, and a commune.

Toodle-oo

A breath of fresh air - and he"s gone.

Ferret

Overseer of the lower levels at a prison.

Strainer

The water is gone, and the black tea remains.

Dragonfly

At war with a sweet little old lady.

Cosmonaut 007

Always follows a set route and never leaves home without an adjustable wrench, ready for whatever

might happen.

First of All

Public safety, then money-making and lastly - health.

Wild Boars

They trod on the hood and crushed the pearls beneath their feet.

Short Leash

We need to put you on bread and water.

At the Turning of Patriarch"s Ponds

You put your neck on the line for the wrong kind of person, Alexey. It cost you a lung.

Countermove

The Soviets propose that the gentlemen should survive.

Hurricane

Chalk rocked me like a hurricane and I dealt out kind platitudes to all.

Fern Frost on the Window

If there is snow on the roof slopes, it means there is no fire in the fireplace.

Bullshiting

You"re bullshiting me, you piece of shit.

Message to the Heretic

Cut back on the hacking and smashing.

Clock with a Pendulum

As in the World War II, ten sharp blows, struck with precision.

House-2

In the winter, the neighbor"s attic and bathroom both went nuts.

Hellish First Grader

A mischievous first-grader with a little braid.

Debt Bondage

A warlock dead-eyed and punch-the-wall drunk.

Cat and Lightning

Lightning will catch a starling, but rarely it might also catch a cat, if it"s near a lightning rod.

Warlock 2

You can"t hold a candle to me! A knockdown fine written in a hurry.

Lucky Letter

"You"re fired" and some white powder.

Leprosorium

What a bitch and not cute one bit. Let yourself die, but save the children.

Obshchak

At first light the robber is up on his feet and the enemy lies at your feet.

Princess Frog

You"re fat, greedy, and with a dowry - you"ll die alone.

Techno Nicole

I grabbed you by the ass like the cheapest whore.

Funny Pictures

A person cannot live twice.

Pleasure-seeker

A rentier and a party animal - he"s a snake oil salesman, who settled all his debts with society

Give Me the Coin

You touch it, you buy it.

Metal Erosion

In the beginning, it was a lie - then came perestroika, and then glasnost.

Up to Code

You can"t outdrink an eight-star general.

Slammer

Premium real estate located on St. Zagorodny Sad.

Eating Fish

If you view it from Elektrostal, at a right angle.

Chandelier with 16 Candles

Go I know not whither and fetch I know not what - that"s five degrees of separation for you.

Chance

The Red Knight"s world has fallen.

Chicks

Now recruiting: chicks, Red Star Model Agency.

Small Mouse

Small Mouse - Buridan"s ass.

Grandfather"s Property

A house, cabbage soup - two servings, a hen, a mountain of beeswax, chic, and pep.

Raven Knows

When the trees stood tall, the birds chirped and the brooks babbled.

Sméagol

A timid scrawny boy.

Golden Cloud

By the Edinburgh Castle"s communal antenna, a golden cloud once lingered.

General Line of the Party

In a line formation. Count off by ones and twos! Everyone, stand in your spot.

Devoid of Feeling

It has a nice ring to it, it"s meaningless, but well put together.

Pieces of Eight

Blind Pew stood by the Bristol store. He grabbed a boy by the arm and asked, "Where"s the Boatswain

now?", the boy answered, "On the special military operation!". Pew hissed, "Are you giving me the

runaround?", to which the boy replied, "Here"s a map! It says where the paper gold is. Take it." Pew

cheered up and hobbled off toward the harbor.

Ivanovo. Childhood

Looking through Ivanovo city retrospective I can"t seem to find my old house anywhere.

Oprichniki

They carry a vodka bottle in a storage tube and a machine gun in a violin case.

Automatic Satisficers

As the call, so the echo. "Your fate is in my hands," said the robot-revolver No. 45

Valenki

The concert hall was buzzing, "We came for Bach"s overture!". Then the diva with a honeyed voice

announced to the crowd, "Comrades, now hear the song Valenki!"

Approved

A solid case and a heavy-duty iron.

Behind Enemy Lines

I have no ID, no cash, but I pull up in my own car holding two guns.

Lie Detector

My former president couldn"t pass a stump‑based lie detector - and then went and poisoned a US high-

altitude balloon.

Disarming the Russians

The scarcity of organic milk and bread, coupled with the subsequent energy crisis, prompted the state"s

initial effort to disarm its own citizens. A failed effort. The population is concentrating in large cities.

Russia"s high tech reminds me of Cyberpunk game. The police trade places with the criminals.

Pink Shop

This store sells literally everything and the prices are more than fair.

New Roman

A classic font for students and academia.

Walking Through Toads

A Hog walks through toads, kicking his neighbors.

Russian Pederation

This ain"t a republic. Three men"s restrooms are out of order.

Uppercut

One punch and another punch. Aron Stepanyan from Enerhodar lands an uppercut. The referee then asked

his opponent, "Which city is he from?", the blue corner replied, "Leningrad."

Unclear

Is it grotesque? Megalomania? It"s tacky.

Sailor Сap

A contract sailor is frankly just shitting on his girlfriend"s head.

Bodhi

Bodhi took care of me. He poured a healing balm upon my wounds. He tidied up my house. He bought

me black tea.

Bombimbom

You, sir, are a vile blabbermouth!

Ukrainian on Russian TV

Can you either just ask for what you want, or tell the truth for once?

Mayor

He took care of everything: plumbing, installing electricity, medical aid stations, roads - all for one dollar

a year.

Legolas and Gimli - Who Killed More Orcs?

The factory Director said he doesn"t care either way, "I"m still going to hire them."

Call to the President

They told me to call the Russian president. I dialed and asked into the receiver, "Frank?"... "Yes", replied

the President.

Forsaken

One does not forsake. Not while there"s still hope and love in the heart.

Point

Russian craftsmen are trying to develop yet another pointless gimmick.

Dagger

Where would Slavs get a dagger? This is a lie, a fabrication out of thin air, and a provocation.

My Conversation with the Sergeant Major

"Hey Pop, give me some tobacco!", I asked. "Get me a light, my grandson!", said the forefather. Later I

found out that in the summer he had spent a whole month sleeping on benches in the Hero City.

Occultists

Two can play at that game. You need to dance away from the stove.

Scatterbrain

The Railway semaphore wasn"t working, so I took an old woman by the arm and helped her across the

tracks over the wooden planks.

Duel

Bang! In your face, from an RPG.

Shitty Actors 2

These dogs, for their part, can only play the Dog Waltz.

Honey, I Shrunk the Pets

Due to my cat allergy, I shrunk the pets.

Don"t Look Down on the Folks Next Door

Some men wear skirts and some women wear tights.

Angle Bisector

Grandma, put the receiver down! I"ve got to draw an angle bisector.

Rustam Amirov

The research secretary who dotted all the i"s and crossed all the t"s.

No frost

The pennies are frozen in the fridge.

Pannochka

Darling, we"ll live happily now. My one and only, my dear, my beloved.

Żupan

Flu‑syphilis, free elephants - necro‑decay in full bloom.

End Face

To enter from the end face in Paris. Here is God and here is the threshold.

Flea Collar

A policeman told the monk, "Trim that flea collar - it"s unsightly. You"re headed for the electric chair."

Golden Volcano

Erupts and spews gold, that is collected and kept by the dragon.

Grey Crow

Pecking at a kefir carton and a raisin loaf.

X-Files

Tempered glass carrying data, classified papers filled with secrets, glowing neon signs.

Sheepshagger and Weathercock

I turned and told Kolka, "Give us a tune - baa like a sheep!"

Roundoff

After performing a roundoff, I lost everyone"s trust.

Monopoly on God

You are Russians, God is with you.

Scrotum

Testing engineers - stay out of the scrotum. There could be unidentified objects inside.

Header

Before you bring in prohibition, you first have to abolish the Law of Spikelets.

Estate

Application for Plumbers. On the estate, out in the village, a riser pipe is leaking.

Izh Store

Once in a while: candles, leather gloves, animal feed.

Shift Supervisor

The stages: change your job, change your habits, change your sexual orientation, and change your gender.

Oath

Don"t break your Pioneer oath or the Hippocratic Oath - and destiny will smile upon you.

People vs. Yuri

Working with legal entities and financial risks made Yuri, the lawyer, lose his faith.

Chutzpah

You don"t want to march, mister, and you don"t want to keep up with the times - but you will dig.

Imposed

A big earring, another man"s tobacco, and brotherhood scheming.

Boots and Sleeves

Spring arrived, and I was still working in faux leather boots. The supervisor at the welding station handed

me some protective sleeves. I fetched a stepladder, climbed up, opened the transom windows, and

replaced the bulb in the light fixture. That evening, the bank added my wages to my savings.

Kumyk

The enemy is reaching for Kumyk oil.

Year of the Pterodactyl

Moscow visitors have been celebrating for days.

Handwashing Station

There"s nothing hollow or empty in the house, apart from the toilet paper and the hand towels.

Let"s Live

"Who said that?", the actor asked. The director replied, "I did". "It"s three thousand miles to the Promised

Land," the actor replied.

Sharpshooter Robicheau

He accompanies trains across the cordon, working for the railway police.

Cast Iron Spout

A strip of skin between the C cup breasts and bigger, where government officials and senators snort

cocaine.

A

Not a scarlet letter at all.

Moderator

Fighting the moderator is pointless - we will join him.

Head and Hand

Human head and the human hand are a mystery.

Vehicle Commander

The bus driver is the commander of the vehicle. Leaving the vehicle with the engine running and

passengers still inside, without supervision is a criminal offense.

Story of the Ogre

Excursus: "A Brief History of the Middle Ages" as told by the Ogre.

Lice and Fleas

Grew numb and horseshoed again.

Complaint to the President

The Russian officer"s honor has been wounded. One cannot keep quiet and let it slide.

Drone

A soldier without a flight cap and a winter flight jacket.

Book of Memories

I"ll name a road after you.

The 300 North Caucasians

"Nuclear bluff" holds for now and all the utility issues are sorted out, but later - the Caucasus will bend

over the entire cities of London and Paris.

Oxycodone

London sodomites admire it, even though the gardens have blossomed in your eyes just once.

Orange Mood

Working under Mister Colson"s wing makes your temperature go up and puts you in an orange mood.

Courland

And on top of that, we"re going to liberate Courland too.

Russia

Every sane person needs you.

Bell

The bell doesn"t dismiss the coach, the teacher does.

Medical Fact

The military doctor loves to examine the head of a red-bearded professor in a formalin jar.

Treason

One accident versus another accident.

Functionary

Always interprets circumstances in favor of the state.

Dniester

You guys live on the riverbank, but won"t give a hand...

LOL

For the sake of fruit, he released his people to go on a honeymoon.

No Blacks

The slave owner issued a ruling, "Taking a shower every evening is prohibited."

Got a ticket?

Yes, but only for a plane and for ballet. For movies and public transport - no tickets.

Through Snow

The North Korean ambassador is traveling to the United Nations and the European Union.

Bio-trash

It is often encoded and heavily encrypted.

90, 60, 90

Doll-like girls in pencil skirts.

Impulse

He cranks a Dynamo and works out twice a day.

Black Gen-Z

He doesn"t shave zips right through the time loop.

As Per Stanislavsky

The collector must perish in a collection drain.

I Got Cheryl

From a sawed-off shotgun, standing on the balcony.

Dog Day Afternoon

Dog language, dog faith, dog death.

Un-forgiveness Sunday

February 22, within your grandchildren"s lifetime. That much is certain.

Viktor Orbán and Jean‑Claude Van Damme - a Hit on the Lip

Read my lips, both of you: five thousand dollars.

A.I.

Of the dead, speak well or say nothing, but the truth.

747

Forgive your brother up until the betting pool and the flight boarding.

Blue Spirits Trash

A guy got wasted on methylated spirits and claims that the Earth is flat.

Thread

A widow can snip your thread.

Dry Thorn

A faded flower, never watered and never fed.

Chauffeur

A chauffeur with no clue, inside a moving room.

Progeny

Whoever has the thicker blood gets to be the favorite.

Reds and Whites

One side came in response to an ad - the other side came out through the window the Europe.

Pigeon State

He has no fixed address but he"s very good at taking a dump.

Shmuel

The revolving golden letters lodged themselves in my heart and flowed through its wounds like honey.

Solar Well

That comes out to nearly half a cube of liquid.

Defender

With him you"ll be in safe hands. Men like that are getting rarer.

Buttonkin - Panikin

A trial by jury, both comradely and grandmotherly.

Cuttling

A little stream started tinkling, and the cutting burst into bloom in the mushroom kingdom.

Planter

I kicked the planter and said, "Mary Ivanna is missing," the planter informed me that he had sold the old

pioneers and bought a poppy straw plantation. He motioned toward the exit with a leather whip.

Millionaire

My friend"s going to be a millionaire tomorrow. He borrowed 500,000 rubles from the bank at 25%

annual interest and put it all into precious metals.

Clever Move

I"m a liberal and a wife guy.

Fear

An unfiltered media flow and random audio signals.

Obsessed

With his pets and with economic imbalances.

Carbon

"Is carbon durable?", the dispatcher asked. "Yes, within the matrix of a different material," the machinist

answered.

Ice Bullet

Two drops of water that vanish without a trace.

Planting

The planting is canceled - old people are being marked down for missing work. Let the soil take a rest.

Hand

When I woke up in the morning, I felt that the hand was my master.

Undercover Reporter

Wearing glasses, headphones, and holding a microphone. Also in a bathrobe and a pair of flip‑flops.

Sponsor

A girl rashly decided to become the president"s sponsor - and ended up on the front pages of every

newspaper.

Paranoia

Laughter at your back, coughs filling the silences, a tiny private room partitioned off, murky photographs,

a leaky tap.

Quantum of Mercy 2

A discount of one cent on all goods.

Heating Plant

Two altars of energy - one false. One for absorption, the other for steam release.

Little Kamaz

Its angular resolution limit is the minimum perceptible by the eye - 1

Henna

Stained a feeble limb.

Cardboard Trickster

Strikes a bottle with a pencil, proclaims it a messenger of evil.

Plan B

Dead space and jobs for everyone.

Chronicle of a Dive Bomber

It nudges men toward meanderings and toward severity.

Squiggle

When a modicum and an iota were reconciled.

Gloomy

It was overcast, so he had to take off his glasses and spit out his gum.

Siberian Strength

The foul talk remembers you, and it will come for you.

Apple Cider

Coming from a happy family, it has a light alcohol content and quenches your thirst.

80

Rings on the water and on the tabloid page.

News from China

Sensations all the way, and endless burlesque.

Trajectory

Calculating the trajectory of two objects - yin and yang, a ball and a cue - that"s classic.

Rebus

Two bears sent to a den by the author - they"ll settle in just fine.

Chess on Ice

Elephants, horses in full harness, and the king went whirling on a tiny ice floe.

No Mines

The information cuts through like a hot knife through butter - swiftly and plainly.

Gun Story

The gun is fired at once, without waiting for the final act.

Paperdo

Providing medicine and shelter to those who have grown feeble. Restricting the advance of the plague.

Rylai

The fallen heroes" armor awaits you - in fetters of ice.

Pardon Me

Another point for the doctor - the one who set the process on its proper course.

Eureka

I lit a match, having waited ages for the gunboat at the far side of the spyglass.

Meltable Insert

Often on the beach, in my black swim trunks.

Race on Gun Carriages

What is subject to repair must be repaired. What works must work. What is extracted must be extracted.

No simplification and no initiative.

Hornet

The Golden Five-Year Plan, and the hornet - that one is my protégé.

Uncertainty

Wife to husband, "You"re such a pain! Always glued to the TV, I"m going to look for a new husband."

Ember

Somewhere around the solar plexus, a little coal smolders inside a snuffbox.

Orator

Always keeps his chin up - don"t turn your back on him.

Lady"s Strength

The lady has no strength left - was it worth putting the worn-out horse down?

Little Goat

The colonel"s car started. Behind the partition for detainees, I found a cardboard box with a severed

goat"s head inside. A girl came up to me, pressed her forehead against mine, and asked me to give her a

ride to the "Red Stones." It was freezing cold. I spat and climbed into my goat car.

Polaroid

A sudden flash from a poke - welcome to Hong Kong!

Roof

Made of glass and bubbles.

Head Inside the TV Set

To an uncovered head, a hand is saluted...

Black Eyes

You fell in my eyes - by six points at the angle of a dotted line.

Soup Kit

Well I never... and hand me a mug of broth.

Coming Undone

They gave Grandma a sewing machine - and she got herself a job.

Three Bozos

In an infantile manner, the three of them split a bottle.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

A Native American wearing the cap of a Union soldier of the Federal Army of the USA.

Ghoul

The ball of the vampires is about to begin.

Heathen

A lyncher and a lame duck.

White Light

It emanates from candles, from lanterns, from lighthouses - and from monarchs.

Right-hand rule

I"ll teach you a lesson.

Ultrasound

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph specifically in that order.

Penitential Chains

Something that a one-of-a-kind activist from Montana wears.

Silver Lion

My mentor became a "Silver Lion," and the company"s owners gave him a car - a Jaguar. They gave me

the floor. After praising him, I said, "They gave you this car because you ate your own grandmother."

Granite

Fire and water are cast in granite.

Oath Breaker

Remember your oath - work for the good of society.

Dispute

What comes first - the chicken or the egg? Matter or consciousness? The answer is "That"s two

completely different matters."

Flipping Through the Channels

On the screen: enormous dwarfs, hardened wolves, quacks, polished skulls, and plenty of cigarette smoke.

Young Man

Usher said, "Hey, up there in the gallery! Come down here and bring the cat!"

Prosecutor"s Son

He"s in charge of the so called "stick system" - he is no stranger to the police, and the court feels like

home.

All Wide-Eyed Innocence

To denounce with conviction and parry the arguments of kings - without saying too much.

Ledum Shrub

The ledum has bloomed - shall I bow low to you?

Slide

He was a brimstone beast in the process of confiscation and being placed on the counting machine.

Rat

This is the damn rat that didn"t eat the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.

Gawkers

Often drunk - they leave behind defects and unfinished work.

Monument

A bust on a stone pedestal.

Candelabrum

It shed some light on the changes to the rules of the game.

Chicanery

Comrade Gypo: illiterate, left-handed, Jewish, a citizen of the Ivory Coast.

Nameplate

It occupies an empty place that isn"t its own.

HIV Doctor

"Yeah lady, you got HIV from whoring", you got me.

Karapet"s Lament

The thud of horses" hooves is no longer heard, nor the march of soldiers, nor the battle song, nor the

gleam of bayonets at the bivouac. What does the army still hope for?

Overtime

A nearly blind old woman made her way from the bypass road onto the freeway.

Gone in a whiteout

Maniacs, punks and boozers were consequently accused in crimes.

Under cover

Comrades, only profitable ones operate under cover.

Brutal

No alibi? A straight razor might settle it.

Unreleased volumes

The shades of a faded grass and weeds of enlightenment, like mandrake roots grown by botanists in a

greenhouse.

Ballot

A old homeless lady sits on a ballot with a broken nose bridge.

Prig

A sort of push and pull creature. Pushes and pulls at another"s words, pulling them out of any sense.

Portrait of Khomeini

Hundreds of thousands of my followers had a retouched portrait of Khomeini.

Charter

Men, drill the charter as long as a candle burns.

Nazgul

The world-weary, shaped by hellfire, leads the naïve.

Reader

Reads fonts, lands, stars and minds of wasted lives.

Man overboard!

He has been riding that banana boat way too long! Give him a hand and pass him a lifebuoy! - the

Capitan rasped.

Brother-in-law

Saved his poor brother-in-law from the depths of the abyss.

Connection

A match for a friend, a plug for the low-end.

The Groggy"s effect

Golden symbols - no money, no limits.

Message

I heard it from a magpie.

Fierce beast

Anyone looking to relocate - straight to Ostashkinko.

(Note: Ostashkino is a huge cemetery)

Ilyich"s lamp solarium

It shines and warms, turns your skin slightly tanned.

Marauder

On the battlefield blows from above and below.

Gods don"t do pottery

Clay world is a fragile one.

Under the Halo

Respect for traditions and rules earns admiration.

Valenok

Relax - you"re covered.

The Others

They neither move like a knight nor evolve.

Easter egg

En Easter egg and an onion hidden in a long sock.

Leka

Girls, before you start fussing around, you need a proper thrashing, enough to crack nuts with your own

heads.

Bantustan

A slender girl keeps perfectly in line.

What for?

To get a string bag and a bicycle.

Player

Plays a role and slips away.

Where the blackcurrant grows

A flycatcher and a robin sing until sun goes down.

New turn

Not every turn needs a turn signal.

Danger looks bigger through the eyes of fear

A woman with thick eyebrows and a double-barreled shotgun hunts with elegance - she releases two dogs

and shoots waterfowl.

Movies, wine and dominoes

All of it drifts in sunken ships.

Taser gun

A combination of an ebonite rod and a cat in a carrier.

Breakthrough

A chevron of the reader marks his right shoulder sleeve.

Governor Korshunov

An experienced hunter with the nature of a reasoner uses public transport and never pays for his luggage.

Crisscross

A thermos of coffee and sandwiches means in the basement below, someone is waiting to go.

Jesuit

The Jesuit"s path lies upon hills, forests and a kingdom of mosquitoes.

A distribution problem

To find a place under the sun, water and air.

Cremation

Extra hassle.

Stas

Behind the wall lived my neighbor, a university applicant who never stopped mumbling and cramming.

Window burglar

Does a shoddy job in pants worn to holes.

My General

His men admire sheiks.

Divine Food

At the Pagan shrine Kapishche left nothing but dust.

Runaways

You can find them among your peers, teens and youngsters - so called "Sinelapye" - marked by the

system.

Twenty-two rifle

Strikes vulnerable communities such as Old Believers and Communists.

Lunar Eclipse

The girls have to let go of their illusions.

Star Harbor

I"ll be there in a flash of starlight.

Shock Absorbers

This partnership creates a balanced system.

Chaos Assembler

Collects all colors of the spectrum into one and defines deviations.

Head of the Bureau

Is in charge of the Celestial Bureau.

Option

Same old brand new option - to have a snack break.

Pavlusenko Emergency

Keeps nothing to himself but gives everything for others.

Silent Agreement

Ivan Borisov is prescribed to wear glasses and to take a vow of celibacy.

Producer

He cheats and keeps the receipts in his secret pocket.

"Eremeyevskoye" LLC

We don"t skimp on salt when pickling.

The day after tomorrow

What will happen to our country? What will we stand for?

Cop

Winds up everyone young and old.

Slice

The Rabbi would precisely cut each slice of Soviet Union Doctor's sausage.

Old Mate

Knows trick riding, has a dark sense of humor and is always ready to be a pallbearer.

Bonesetter Episkoposyan

What were you expecting him to be - a thief in law or a bishop?

Cows and Knights

They are easy on the eyes.

Translators: Eugenia Dzugkoeva, Aleksandra Stepovaya

Editors: Natalia Gosteva, Aleksandra Stepovaya Yaroslavl Translation Service, LLC