Аннотация: A conversation with Naylus. The dream of the Reapers.
Chapter 13.3 the conversation with Naylus.
Nihlus was really awake, reading something from the datapad. As soon as the door closed behind me, my mentor... turned on the jammer.
"Something happened?"
A jolt of pain shot through his temples. The migraine was developing, threatening to plunge me into a semi-conscious state soon. The seventh layer of the aura was unfolding, and along with it, mentalism and the empath's gift-curse were activated. In a good way, I need to sleep a lot and soundly in a completely dark and noise-insulated room right now, and I'm running around the ship like I've been shot, swimming in a pile of negativity. Hello, regular sensitive shock!
"It's easier to say what didn't happen." Wearily, I sank onto the second bunk, holding my head in my hands.
"When will the work in the infirmary be completed?"
"Why the rush?"
"We need to fly to Terum for Dr. Liara T'Soni, the daughter of the matriarch of Benesia. I don't want to find her dead in a power bubble in the Prothean ruins."
"Is it possible?"
"Quite."
Nihlus has postponed the datapad.
"Do you want to talk?"
"I want your advice. And I guess you want answers to your questions."
Nihlus closed his eyes in agreement.
"I would like to clarify some points."
"The sacramental question "Who are you?", yes?" I grinned at him.
"Not quite. I'm more interested in your motives and plans for the future. What are you going to do?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"You'll be surprised, but I'm really going to do the work of the Spectr honestly and just live in this reality, since I was thrown here."
I was silent for a moment, staring straight ahead. Fatigue was creeping in. I wanted to eat and sleep. My head hurt: the migraine was getting worse. A couple more hours, and I'll just be knocked out so that the seventh layer can unfold. Mentalism is activated, and the unfolding of the eighth, penultimate layer will begin. When the aura unfolds to the ninth layer, I will have a qualitative leap, and I will enter into full force. And before that... before that, we'll have to spin around somehow.
"You have a lot of knowledge."
"A lot."
"You could have achieved a lot. And get a lot."
"But why?" I kicked off my shoes and climbed onto the cot with my feet. "Nihlus, what's the point if you leave everything material behind after death, and only the soul will go to rebirth, as always?"
"None."
"Nothing." I nodded in agreement. "What is wealth and power? These are just tools that can be used to solve problems, nothing more, but not an end in itself."
"Then what's the goal for you?"
"Knowledge. Skills. Memory. Something that you can take with you to the next world." I met his gaze. "More is the memory."
"Do you die and be reborn in a new world, preserving your memory?"
"Yes."
"All of it?"
"All of it."
A short silence and a calm verdict:
"I'm sorry."
"It's not worth it." I forced a smile. "I've already gotten used to it."
"Is it possible to get used to it?" The green eyes narrowed slightly.
"No." I shrugged my shoulders. "What should I do? Forcibly purge your mind, blocking everything that clings to your soul? And then what's left? A wild desire to remember everything, and when the memory comes back..." I shook my head. "Turn off emotions? May. But... one, two, well, three rebirths, and you realize the futility of existence. Emotions somehow make you move on, no matter what."
"Have you checked?"
"I've experienced personality breakdown twice, Nihlus. The first one was triggered by emotions. The second is their absence. Nothing pleasant, believe me. Especially when you become aware of yourself again and realize that the collapse was launched consciously and according to all the rules. Memory, knowledge and skills, everything was preserved, and what concerned the personality was erased so that no mentalist could restore it. I really don't know my name. I just don't have it.
Nihlus closed his eyes and relaxed on the bed, waiting for an attack of acute pain.
But his voice, when he decided to continue the conversation again, was still calm and serene:
"You said you took the name Imrir."
"I already consider this name my own."
"why?"
"I don't know. Something touched me deep down. It gave a response. It's hard to say. Is it that important?"
Nihlus didn't say anything, just shook his head. He lay there and stared at me intently, saying nothing. It was like he was learning anew.
I felt a kind of apathy and fatigue. If I can't find someone I can trust, someone I can call friends, what's the point of trying to break through the wall of alienation? We'll see how the situation develops before my full initiation, and then I'll make a final decision. If there are those for whom it is worth saving this Cycle, I will save it. If not... Well, no, not really. I know where to look for the Lord.
My head was slowly turning leaden. I nodded off.
"Are you all right?" There's concern in the low voice.
"A sensitive shock. The mentalist's abilities are activated, and the mind cannot cope with the information it receives."
"Then go to sleep."
"The recharge will be interrupted."
"Sleep. We are on the Citadel. When should I wake up?"
"Do not wake up, even if Udina boards the "Norm"! If I twitch or grumble something, don't pay attention."
I still managed to hear a quiet, vibrating laugh as my consciousness slowly faded. The sounds disappeared completely, and I sank into oblivion. I was dreaming about some nonsense. In the blessed darkness, little fat Reapers flew around me and offered to go with them, luring me with cookies. Chocolate, my favorite. Then Udina would appear and shout, "This is outrageous!" and run after the plump but very frisky Reapers, who flew away from him, paddling their paws comically. Someone was watching me with interest, but I still didn't understand who. The Reapers cornered Udina and pelted her with cookies, and then they came back to me and started offering me goodies.