Аннотация: THE CHEKHOV DUET (Anton Lyrnik, Andrei Molochny) - TRANSLATOR OF PUSHKIN https://youtu.be/DXO82v06C7I
THE CHEKHOV DUET (Anton Lyrnik, Andrei Molochny) TRANSLATOR OF PUSHKIN
Anton Lyrnik (Publisher): Translator of Pushkin. To the applause of yours!
Andrei Molochny (Translator): Good afternoon!
Publisher: Good afternoon! You`re Molochny, aren"t you? Very glad you"ve come. I thought you wouldn"t have courage to come.
Translator: But why?
Publisher: I thought you"d stay at home after you"d done for our publishing house.
Translator: What wrong did I do for your publishing house? It was you who turned to me for that professional translation.
Publisher: We considered you a translator ...
Translator: I"m the best translator from Russian into English ...
Publisher: That"s bullshit! You"d been given a simple task to translate The Tale of Tsar Saltan (The Tale of Tsar Saltan, of his son, the glorious and mighty knight prince Gvidon Saltanovich, and of the fair Swan-princess. -ААП). What could be simpler! And you, what did you do?
Translator: Firstly, let"s file not these claims ... Facts are what I need!
Publisher: Facts? You"re welcome! Let"s go over the text!
Translator: Let"s go over it!
Publisher: Three fair maidens, late one night... (Tri devitsi pad aknom ...) What was your translation?
Translator: Three devices under window ...
Publisher: What word did you use?
Translator: Three devices ...
Publisher: A-ha! De-vices! So you translated `three maidens` (devitsis) as `devices`.
Translator: I swear I did!
Publisher: Are maidens` (devitsis) `devices?` Are you kidding?
Translator: You shoulda known Pushkin! A rake, duellist and womanizer! The word of `devitsis` in the original sounds as a replica of `devices` in English. (Addressing the audience) De-vi-ces!
Translator: You"re talking nonsense! I say, Molochny! Is it sane to say in English : `Three devices under window` ?
Translator: Absolutely!
Publisher: Too bad!
Translator: Is it all? No more claims?
Publisher: Just wait! We`re just in the very beginning! The second line: `Sat and spun by candlelight (Priali poz(d)no vetcherkom)`. How did you translate `spun` (priali)?
Translator: You see there"s no word for `spun` (priali) in English!
Publisher: Go on with you!
Translator: It"s an indigenous Russian word!
Publisher: Go on!
Translator: This word was invented by Pushkin!
Publisher: Unbelievable!
Translator: That"s why I put it down in English as `weave king drinking!`
Publisher: There are no such words in the original!
Translator: Of course, it"s me who invented `em!
Publisher: And were the phrases like `late one night` (`poz(d)no vetcherkom`) also invented by you?! What is English for the Russian word
`vecher`?
Translator: Evening! Night!
Publisher: Why did you write `evening doe`?
Translator: Because it"s a poem: `under a window` - `evening doe`. This is a rhyme! I was stretching, adjusting the rhyme to the line quite
deliberately!
Publisher: But your high-strung rhyme broke off! Well, next line! How did you translate: `Were our tsar to marry me` (`kabi ya bila tsaritsa`)?
Translator: I"m going to tell you one more time that English is a very limited language!
Publisher: Upon my soul!
Translator: It hasn"t got the word `were` (kabi). Have you ever heard Obama saying: `Were our showdown with Cuba, we"d .. .` Did you hear these `were` and `Cuba`, `were` and `Cuba`?
Publisher: Never ever!
Translator: Bingo! That"s because they haven`t got the word of `were`. If there had been such a word he would have said `were` and `Cuba`.
Publisher: So instead of translating the Russian word of `kabi` you just inserted two occasional English consonant letters `K` and `B`.
Translator: They read as follows `kay bee` in accordance with the English phonetics. So I obtained the word that sounds almost identical to the
Russian word `kabi`!
Publisher: Uhu! K.B.!
Translator: K.B. - `kabi`!
Publisher: `K.B. I was wife kingsizes!` Right?
Translator: Exactly!
Publisher: What fucking terrible ravings! Who is that `kingsize wife`? You must be meaning `a big woman`? `Kingsizes`? What"s this?!
Translator: It"s a rhymed pair: `devices` - `kingsizes`. Should I explain to you every single rhyme?
Publisher: Well! Go on! This time it`s not a rhyme, but an initial line! `I"m a prostitute!` What phrase of the Pushkin`s long poem could be
translated like this: `I"m a prostitute!`
Translator: I wonder if you ever read Pushkin?
Publisher: I did!
Translator: We read in the Pushkin`s poem: `ya, blya, batyushki tsarya` (I, whore, give our tsar ...`).
Publisher: What"s `blya` (whore. - ААП)?
Translator: Are you acquainted with the history of Old Russia and Church Slavonic language?
Publisher: Perhaps, not as good as you are, Sir! `Ya b Dlya!` (I would give our tsar ... `). There is `I WOULD GIVE` in the line rather than `I, WHORE, GIVE our tsar`.
Translator: In my book there was `I, WHORE, GIVE`.
Publisher: Where? In the book of your problem childhood? Or elsewhere? Well, proceed further! That very phrase: `I would give our tsar an heir` (`Ya b dlya batyushki tsarya rodila`, etc.)? What is English for `rodit` (give birth)`?
Translator: BORN!
Publisher: Let it be! And in the subjunctive mood?
Translator: I born b!
Publisher: Born b?
Translator: Born b! The word expression `Ya blya` (`I, whore, give ...`) implies `BORN B as its direct consequence`!
Publisher: Then whom would she BORN B?
Translator: I miss what you"re meaning!
Publisher: Whom would she give birth to?
Translator: There we go again! An heir, of course. Take a volume by Pushkin and read it once!
Publisher: I do not see any `heir` in your translation. I only see `Super Hulk`.
Translator: How would I explain to the foreign readers that that heir is a strong man? They haven"t got the strong men, they have got only big green Hulk. Everyone knows who this hero is.
Publisher: I have had enough! Thanks.
Translator: Wait a minute! Just recite my translation, listen to its music! My music! Just feel this work of art! Do it now!
Publisher: To read it in loud?
Translator: Read and feel it!
Publisher: Are you ready for that?
Three devices under window
Weave king drinking (forgive me for saying it!) evening doe.
K.B. I was wife kingsizes,
Speaking one of this devices,
I"m a prostitute! I born b Super Hulk!
(Compare with the classical translation by Louis Zellikoff:
Three fair maidens, late one night,
Sat and spun by candlelight.
"Were our tsar to marry me,"
Said the eldest of the three,
"I would cook and I would bake -
Oh, what royal feasts I'd make."
Said the second of the three:
"Were our tsar to marry me,
I would weave a cloth of gold
Fair and wondrous to behold."
But the youngest of the three
Murmured: "If he married me -
I would give our tsar an heir
Handsome, brave, beyond compare." - ААП)
Translator: This is a masterpiece! Just see, everybody likes it!
Publisher: Who likes it?
Translator: People! Ordinary people!
Publisher: Blow those poems! Why did you draw pictures in the margins? Pothooks and hangers!
Translator: Are you acquainted with the creative works by the great poet?
Publisher: Yes, I am ...
Translator: Pushkin would draw in the margins! And I translated his pictures too!
Publisher: It can"t be true!
Translator: I"m a professional translator, I translate everything I see around me, it"s my mission in the Earth!
Publisher: I see a picture of a ... condom!
Translator: It rhymes with Prince Guidon.
Publisher: What"s this? Balls?
Translator: Nuts. Simply the squirrel drawn by me occurred to be a male.
(Compare with the classical translation by Louis Zellikoff:
There's a little squirrel dwelling
In a fir tree; all day long,
Cracking nuts, it sings a song.
Nuts-most wondrous to behold!
Every shell is solid gold;
Kernels-each an emerald pure!
That's a wonder, to be sure." - ААП)
Publisher: Why does an old man pray to the bidet?
Translator: How dare you! What did you say? An old man pray to the bidet?! It"s `King Kaschey grows ill with gold` (a line from Tony Kline`s translation of Pushkin`s another long poem `Ruslan and Liudmila`. - ААП).
Publisher: A curious illness.
Translator: Why not? Some people who had the golden toilet bowls installed might grow ill.
Publisher: Whoever you might be but you"re not a translator.
Translator: But I am.
Publisher: Sooner you are a rogue, a street hobo.
Translator: If you don"t stop abusing me I"m going to do the same in English.
Publisher: Do start, Sir! Who am I?
Translator: You are finishman.
Publisher: Whom have you said am I? Who is it?
Translator: A goner!
Publisher: Be kind to return your advance.
Translator: Do you know what we, translators, answer in such cases?
Publisher: What?
Translator: Fusk you! Fusk, my dear!
Publisher: What?! I don"t understand you!
THE END